Wednesday night

[can_be_more]

After leaving the gym, and spending a ridiculous amount of time wandering around and telling herself that she was not going to go see John...

...she knocks on the door to 238.

Comments

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John frowns at the knock, not expecting anyone to come by.

"Door's unlocked," he says and continues scrawling Physics notes on a sheet of notebook paper.

[can_be_more]

Aeryn walks in, closing the door behind her. "Hi," she says quietly.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John looks up, startled by her appearance. After the voicemail message, he'd figured she be at the gym the rest of the night.

"Hey. Workout okay?" He tries to be nonchalant and casual.

[can_be_more]

She nods.

"It's not you."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John tucks a leg up under him and slides a thumb against his lips. "Not me, huh? Care to elaborate because I'm a little dumb sometimes," he says with a humorless laugh.

[can_be_more]

"Last night," she says. "What happened wasn't about you at all."

OOC; thumb thing, omg

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John shrugs. "Doesn't matter. Everyone has a bad night. I can handle that." He stops and eyes her warily. "Is there more?"


OOC: I so did it on purpose!

[can_be_more]

Wondering if he'll let her ignore the question, she says, "I wanted to apologize."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John rubs a tired hand across his face. "Aeryn, if something's bothering you, tell me so I know what to do to make you feel better. If apologizing makes you feel better, fine, do it. But I can tell something's wrong," he says quickly.

[can_be_more]

"Is talking about it going to change anything?" she asks.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John shakes his head again. "I don't know. I have no idea what to do right now. None. I just...feel like you don't wanna be here with me."

[can_be_more]

She's shaking her head now, too. "That's not it. That's definitely not it. It has nothing to do with you."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John tosses his notes asides and retrieves a can of Pepsi from the fridge. "So, all that stuff last night about kissing me because 'you had to' was just from the alcohol? Right?"

[can_be_more]

"That was a dare from that stupid game," she says. "I didn't want to do it like that, not in front of everyone after..." She sighs.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He tenses just slightly. "After what? After we slept together? Because, honestly, if you'd had done that on any other day, I would've been fine, pleased, happy as a bird. Adding the word 'I have to' made it sound like a chore to me." John sighs again and walks back over to his couch. "It doesn't matter. You had a bad day and you won't tell me about it. Fine."

[can_be_more]

"That's not..." She hates that he can frustrate her like this. "You wouldn't understand it."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He's tempted to yell and shout but takes several deep breaths. He picks his Physics work back up and starts randomly jotting down formulas. "No, I wouldn't understand because you won't let me. It doesn't have anything to do with me yet you won't talk to me even after everything that's happened recently between us. Is this...do you not trust me?"

[can_be_more]

Amazing. Her knuckles are raw from the gym and she did a nice job of overdoing it last night and she'd still love to start yelling. Instead, she calmly says, "I haven't flown anything since I got here. I didn't even think about that until yesterday. And then I got to talking with Anakin about where we come from and what we do and... I miss it."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John doesn't talk for while, letting her explanation bounce around his head. "All right, you're homesick. I can understand that," he says softly. "But, I-do you wanna go back home?"

[can_be_more]

Aeryn doesn't even know how to begin addressing that question, but she tries. "It isn't as simple as wanting to or not wanting to. I'm here because the Peacekeepers sent me here," she says. "Only I can have discussions about politics and understand where the other person is coming from. When they passed the weapons ban, I ignored orders and sat at the firing range for three days rather than give up my weapon. So there's where I start wondering if I'd even fit in on a command carrier now."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John runs a hand through his hair and tries to make sense of everything. She's homesick but not sure if she belongs in her home anymore. And he's feeling low for feeling insecure. "What do you want me to do?" He makes his voice gentle again and focuses his attention on her.

[can_be_more]

"There's nothing to do. That's what I've been saying," she says. "I don't feel better for saying it, knowing you, you'll only feel bad for knowing all of this, and nothing changes. This is why I don't like talking."

[pyramid-is-life.livejournal.com]

[[*fangirls your Aeryn liek whoa*]]

[aka-vala.livejournal.com]

[cameronmitchell.livejournal.com]

((*joins in*))

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

This time, he can't stop the anger from sliding into his voice. "Yes, there are things to do. I love you and I could try and be comforting but if I tried that right now? You'd deck me, right?" John tosses his pencil to the floor. "Because, even though this has nothing to do with me, you've just implied that that you think telling me things makes no difference and that I couldn't help you."

[can_be_more]

"What is it that you want to do that's going to fix anything? Because I don't have any ideas! In fact I'd probably be counting the arns until I could go back there if it weren't for you!"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"And, if it weren't for you, I'd be pretty fricking miserable. You feel badly. It's my natural damn instinct to want to help, even in some stupid small way. Hug you, kiss you, make me laugh at something I do. Will that solve everything? No. Will it make you feel better? I don't know. I can't solve everything, I know," he admits breathlessly, "But I wanna be there for you and I can't do that if you don't want help."

[can_be_more]

"Then can we just forget this whole stupid thing? Because that would help."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John turns back to his books, exhausted and upset. "Fine. Forgotten. No problem," he sighs. "You gonna stay then? I've got stuff to finish but you can stay."

[can_be_more]

Aeryn is quiet for a minute, wondering how this actually felt worse. "No, I should probably go back to my room," she says.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

It takes an effort but he doesn't look up from his notebook. "All right. Sleep well," he says quietly.

[can_be_more]

"Good night," she says, and leaves the room, closing the door again behind her.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

OOC: OMG MAKE THEM STOP! ANGST OH NOES. BED NOW. *CUDDLES YOU*

[can_be_more]

OOC: *cuddles you back* Night!