can_be_more: (fake tavlek!aeryn)
[personal profile] can_be_more
You know it's bad when Aeryn doesn't see the point in the gym.

She knows she's been all over the place emotionally lately. Saturday was a bit of a breaking point and that was good. She needed it. By Monday she was considering things she never ever would have even thought of possibly considering even in the unforeseeable future. By Wednesday reality had sunk in again and today... Not so great.

Basic fact of the matter is if it hadn't been for Monday and the possibility of things and John's constant insistance that it could work... She doesn't know exactly. Or she knows and doesn't want to admit it. There. He knew once she was gone she couldn't come back. She'd needed him to know that. Except when the person who stays optimistic about all of this figures out it isn't going to work, then what's the point?

She's not doing anything drastic, though. With the way she's been going she knows better. She's just going to clean the ink off her wall.

Date: 2006-01-27 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
It's been a long day and, since he wants to give Angel private time with Callisto, John decides to try and talk to Aeryn.

So, he knocks on the door.

Date: 2006-01-27 03:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
John opens the door and steps inside quietly.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't call. It's Angel's night in the room."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He looks down at his feet, shuffling them a bit. "Um, how are you?"

Date: 2006-01-27 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"I'm..." He starts to say 'fine' but stops. "It hasn't been a good day."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Yeah." He nods before shaking his head. "I don't know if I'm supposed to apologize or do hold you or do something. This doesn't feel good though."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"I don't want what we talked about earlier," he says, "to make the rest of our time together miserable. I want you."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"I know." He shrugs scratches his neck. "It's just a hard thing to deal with," he says quietly. "I'm sorry."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He sees her move and he comes and sits down beside her.

"Did you go to the gym after we talked?" John asks, figuring she did.

Date: 2006-01-27 03:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"No gym?" He reaches for one of her hands slowly, letting her pull away if she wants before rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. "That's unusual for you."

Date: 2006-01-27 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Okay." He's flailing a little because nothing seems to be working. "Aeryn, do you want me to leave?"

Date: 2006-01-27 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Okay." He nods but still feels a little unsure of what to do. "I know it has and I wanna change that. What can I do?"

Date: 2006-01-27 03:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
In answer to that, he slides an arm around her shoulders so she can settle against him more comfortably.

"You know I love you, right?"

Date: 2006-01-27 04:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He takes a deep breath before saying, "Even though I know you're leaving and I know what might happen after that...I'd still ask you."

Date: 2006-01-27 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He tries to take her silence as just her not wanting to talk and nothing else. It's hard though.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Date: 2006-01-27 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Neither am I," John says, watching her face. "Will your roommates mind if I stay?"

Date: 2006-01-27 04:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Just checking," he says, turning his attention to their hands. "Thank you for caring enough to be concerned for me," he nearly whispers.

Date: 2006-01-27 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He smiles slightly. "Yes, I want to thank you for that. Because I know it's new for you and I know it's hard for you and you're doing it for me and that makes me feel...loved."

Date: 2006-01-27 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
He can't believe his eyes are watering. Damn stupid dusty room.

"Thank you," he mumbles before turning to lay on his side on her bed. He motions to the spot behind him. "Lay down with me."

Date: 2006-01-27 04:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"It is," he says quietly, covering her hand with his. "I am sorry about this afternoon. I didn't mean to upset you."

Date: 2006-01-27 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"I'm trying," he whispers. "I am. It's hard. I'll get better, I promise."

Date: 2006-01-27 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"I love you too," he says quietly and stops talking. He doesn't go to sleep though because he can't. So, he just rubs her hand slowly and stares at the wall.

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