Room 238, Saturday night

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Okay, maybe there are better ways to end a phone call. But all Aeryn needs to hear are the words "Darla" in conjunction with "bad news" and she's leaving 209 to head down the hall and knock on John's door.

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[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You take it slowly," John says. "You deal with people who make you the least uncomfortable in your skin. And, if that means dealing less with me? Do it until I don't make you uncomfortable. It'll get better," he promises.

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She's not sure what part of that upsets her most, or maybe she's actually topped out on anger at this point and her body can't handle it any other way, so she blinks hard once and nods. "If you say so."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Being alone sucks," John says quietly. "You won't want that, no matter how badly you do think you want it. And I'm not going to push you into anything, Aeryn. I won't do it. I'll be here for you but I won't try anything."

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Oh, Aeryn knows that. He has no idea how well she knows that. And at the moment it's too much to deal with, so she swallows and manages a "I'll see you later. Or..." and heads for the door.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John has to bite back his first instinct, which is to yell. But he feels absolutely hopeless and helpless. So, he kicks one of his shoes before saying, "I'm sorry," he says finally. "I don't know what to say to anymore so maybe I'll just stop talking!"

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Aeryn turns back and asks, "What do you expect me to say?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I don't expect you to say anything," John says. "But I thought we could talk to each other. We used to do that pretty well."

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"John. A week ago I was under arrest for the biggest mistake of my life, until I made a bigger mistake and left," she says. "Now I have to deal with all of that, figuring out what to do with myself, knowing that I can't go back home. Ever. A lot's changed since I left. How's talking going to help any of that?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He tries, he really does, not to let the 'mistake' and 'bigger mistake' comments bother him. It does though and he manages to just shove it away.

"I meant...I meant more along the lines of easy conversation," he explains. "Classes, the weather, the DRD, television. Easy things that don't hurt. And, if you want to talk to me about the other stuff, I'll listen."

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Everything hurts. But it's like the knife wound. It hurts and you work through it and sometimes you make it worse and you suffer through it until you can't, and then you take a break and just go on. "I was never good at easy conversation," she reminds him.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Then tell me no," John says tiredly. "I just wanna help you."

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"What if you can't?"

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"If you think I can't help you, that I won't help you in anyway, tell me now," he says quietly. "Because, if you let me continue coming around and all that's doing is hurting you? I don't want that. But I do not want to give you up," he says fiercely.

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One one hand, this does hurt. It hurts a lot and they're doing it really often. On the other hand, the sea monkeys are still here and will continue to be. "I don't know," she admits quietly.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

And that hurts more than anything that's happened so far. All he can do is turn away and rub at his eyes because he's tired and this is all wrong and he can't stop it.

"Okay," he mumbles quietly.

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Aeryn nods, and it would be nice if she could go back to being numb.

She heads to the door, shutting it behind her with a click.