Room 238, Wednesday morning

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Aeryn hasn't really slept. Mostly she's been trying to sleep and failing because the thoughts won't stop. Not for the first time, she realizes how much easier this was when she didn't have to think for herself.

She finally gave up and got out of bed, and is now sitting on the floor near the door, back against the wall, distractedly plying with a thread on the knee of her sleep pants.

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[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

John can feel when she leaves but stays still in case she's coming back. When she doesn't, he opens his eyes and tries to find her in the dark.

He spots her after a minute and frowns. "What's wrong?"

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She actually doesn't hear him at first, so there's a belated "Hm?" as she snaps out of the thinking thing.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"What's wrong?" he repeats, rubbing his face to attempt to wake up.

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She shakes her head. "Just thinking."

She was a good girl and left off the 'nothing'.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"About what?" he asks because he's still mostly asleep.

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Aeryn's quiet again before just sucking it up and saying it. "I'm not going to fit in there, you know."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Fit in where?" he asks, still trying to wake up.

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She just gives him a Look, hoping he can figure that one out for himself. There aren't a lot of 'theres' it could be.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Massachusetts?"

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"Anywhere, really," Aeryn says slowly. Maybe there are a lot of 'there's.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Who said you had to fit in?" John asks.

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"...Have you ever not?" she asks. There's no easy way to explain it and it suddenly occurs to her that he's probably never had this problem.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Well, no," he admits. "But that doesn't mean you have to change yourself to fit in."

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"The last time that happened, I ended up nearly stabbed and I can't go back there again," she says, and it's probably pretty clear she's thought a lot about this.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I'm not asking you to go back there," John says, sitting up. "I'm asking you to stay with me. Don't worry about fitting in and things will fall into place."

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"It isn't that simple," Aeryn tells him.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Because you insist on making it difficult," he says quietly. "It doesn't have to be."

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That first part kind of hurt a little. "No, I'm not," she says firmly. "It takes me twice as long to read or say anything because I have to get the language right. I have to find a job when we leave here, and it's not that I've never had one, but seventeen cycles of military service is going to raise a few eyebrows."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Aeryn, stop piling all of this on yourself at one time," he says. "All of those are true but worrying about them before we've even left isn't helping. You aren't going to be alone."

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She's shaking her head again. "You're not listening. I have to find a place there for my Prowler, or I have to leave it here. This is more difficult than you'd think because I've never actually been to Cambridge. What I've seen outside of Fandom is very limited. I don't know what there is, I even have to be careful when I ask around because an alien ship is going to draw attention to me and that would be a bad thing."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I AM listening," he bristles, before calming down. "Do you think I haven't thought of this? That I've just forgotten how hard it's going to be for you?"

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"Well, you are telling me not to worry about it," she says.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"No, I'm telling you not to worry about it all at once," he says quietly. "Take it one at a time."

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"I can't do that, John," she says. "It all amounts to I can't let people out there find out what I really am and there's a lot that ties into that."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Aeryn," he says. "There's nothing you can do about the job until we get up there. Don't think about that one too much for now. We'll find a place for your ship. I'll ask my father to find a place, if you'd like."