Room 238, Wednesday morning

[can_be_more]

Aeryn hasn't really slept. Mostly she's been trying to sleep and failing because the thoughts won't stop. Not for the first time, she realizes how much easier this was when she didn't have to think for herself.

She finally gave up and got out of bed, and is now sitting on the floor near the door, back against the wall, distractedly plying with a thread on the knee of her sleep pants.

Comments

[can_be_more]

She kind of wishes she hadn't said anything. She's only getting more frustrated. "Would your rather deal with me when I figure it all out once we get there?" she says.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I-" He stops, rubs a hand over his face. "I'm trying to help."

[can_be_more]

"Yeah," she says, putting her hand on the wall to push herself up to her feet. "Forget I said anything."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"That's fine," he says, turning over, back to her. "You weren't going to tell me anyway."

[can_be_more]

"I tell you something that's been on my mind for over a cycle- year- now, after you kept insisting that I tell you, and I'm told not to worry about it, like it's nothing," she snaps, going for her shoes. "Is it any wonder."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He turns back over, stumbling off the bed. "I didn't tell you not to worry about it, goddamn it, Aeryn. I asked you to take it one at a time. ONE AT A TIME. That's all I did. I'm sorry if you're being a turtle and I'm trying not to do this for you but I was only making a suggestion! That's all!"

[can_be_more]

"No, you did. You said those words," she says. "This is why I handle things on my own. You don't get it. You won't even hear me out. So fine." She shrugs. "Sorry I worried you for nothing then."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I am listening to you," he says quietly. "I-making suggestions just comes naturally to me. I wasn't trying to fix things for you."

[can_be_more]

"Forget it, it was a mistake," she says. "Don't worry, it's not your problem. I'll be fine."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"It wasn't a mistake," he says carefully. "I'm not asking you not to worry about it. I'm not. All I meant was take it one at a time. If you thought I meant don't worry about it all, I apologize but I didn't mean that. I have thought about this, you know. I've thought about how to explain to doctor's about you, how to take drug tests should you need to, how to explain this place, how to explain your home, how to tell the rest of my family about you. This is my problem."

[can_be_more]

"I apologize for being such a burden," she says, quietly enough that it's not meant to hurt. She's just still stinging.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

It does hurt but he doesn't show it. "You're not a burden. God, you're anything but a burden. I'm...just trying to tell you that I'm thinking about it too even if I don't say anything. And I know it's going to be hard. I know that. Have we ever done anything easy?"

[can_be_more]

She just shakes her head as her answer. She doesn't even know what to say anymore.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Exactly," he says, shrugging. "We know it's not going to be easy. We just have to deal with it as best we can. That's all we can do."

[can_be_more]

"Yeah," se says. It doesn't make her feel any better, but she thinks it's the best she's going to get. "It's okay."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I know it's not okay," he says quietly. "So, you don't have to lie. I'm not, I promise you, trying to solve this for you. I just give advice without really thinking."

[can_be_more]

"There's just nothing to do be done about it, so let's just... Don't worry about it," she says, and even manages a little smile she doesn't really mean.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"If you'd like to get this out, Aeryn, I can promise to listen quietly."

[can_be_more]

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she says honestly.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to keep fighting."

[can_be_more]

"Then let's drop this." And it's just that simple for her.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"That's hard to do when I know you're not going to drop it."

[can_be_more]

"Please." She's not above that at this point.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I don't mean..." He pauses. "You have to tell me if you want to do this, Aeryn. I don't want to bring you into a bad situation."

[can_be_more]

Aeryn is pretty sure she knows what he's saying, but she still frowns. "What?"