Not Good at Nice

Aeryn knows the gym's not happening today, but she still wakes up out of habit. John's still asleep and she doesn't want to just lay there until he does, so she gets up with the intention of making coffee. Really, it's just something to do.

Aeryn's pretty sure Anakin's not going to kill John scene's still being played but she's not leaving till that statement is true dammit, but she's kind of nervous to leave the room anyway. To say it's been a bad week is to underestimate what 'bad' means, at least in Aeryn's head. And at the same time it's just so uncomfortable that she really does wish she still had 209.

Right now she's just sitting on the sofa, not really looking at anything, just thinking. Which sucks.

[For John plz.]

Despite yesterday, Aeryn's still playing a little avoidant without really knowing why. She's still sticking to 209, keeping to long walks or just not dealing with people. She's not used to having to explain why she does things, but knows certain people (John) have come to expect answers. This kind of thing? Much easier in the Peacekeepers. All she had to do was go off by herself and everything was fine and she didn't have to explain anything.

Also, emo is stupid and she wants no part of it, and yet here she is and she has no idea why. It's frustrating. And she's starting to memorize the star charts on her wall.

[If you can get her out of this mood, feel free to come by before I kill her.]

In the last few days, Aeryn's fought with one friend, maybe past the point of being fixable, been attacked by another, figured out another had a crush on her, and then decided another probably isn't going to want much to do with her unless she fixes the first thing, which she isn't sure she wants to do.

Long after Molly leaves 209, Aeryn heads down the hall, opening the door with her key. Careful not to wake John, she closes the door and crosses the room to crawl into bed next to him. Not that she can manage to do anything right there, either, this week. Whatever, she's not leaving.

It really was a lot less complicated back when all her friends did was help her get sentenced to death.

It's hard to imagine that there was a time Aeryn wouldn't have been upset, but she kind of is. To anyone who doesn't know her, she's just sitting on her bed and looking at the posters on the wall.

She'll check on Callisto tomorrow, probably. Give her some time.

It probably shouldn't come as a surprise to Aeryn that as soon as things seem to be okay with John, things get weird between them again. But it does. Maybe if she hadn't just gotten her key back it wouldn't matter as much.

She's had the distraction of talking with Molly, at least, trying to figure out exactly what is going on with Cameron. Or whoever's posing as him, anyway. Because he would never pass over a book on planes in favor of history.

There's nothing she can do about that until tomorrow, and so Aeryn is realizing that she hasn't spent a lot of time without John lately, which is probably her getting caught up in things again. And yes, finding out the other her that she's been comparing herself to since fall died is bound to bring up issues when you were supposed to have been executed months ago.

Aeryn makes a good attempt at ignoring it, and a bad attempt at a good night's sleep.

After a trip into town and then some time spent shooting things because she can, Aeryn decides she might as well do some other things she's been putting off, and checks to see if her E-mail access had been restored. Not that she likes E-mail anyway, or figured anyone would be sending her anything.

Half and hour and about forty spam messages later (and don't think that has improved her opinion of the human race at all), she's back in 209, wondering if she should even attempt this party thing. On one hand, she's glad Angel is all right and she wouldn't expect any conversation there to be about her. These are both good things. On the other hand... The words "too much too soon" spring to mind.

She'll worry about it later. For now she's taking a break from the makeup work to finish the other book Anders gave her before she left. And sometimes taking a break from that to wonder if the sea monkeys have been fed this week.


[Which is totally code for I haven't played in a whole DAY and my girl is still being antisocial. Door's closed but I welcome knocks. *nodding*]

Aeryn didn't get a lot of sleep last night. And she may be overreacting. A lot.

All right, maybe she didn't really have a lot of room to tell Angel what to do, but still. Callisto was even more out of line than she was. Also, there's that whole bit about touching on a huge subject Aeryn had already been dealing with. A couple of them, actually. Thanks, Callisto.

Basic fact of the matter is, Aeryn doesn't live here. Despite what people may think, she doesn't, though not that she appreciates being made to feel uncomfortable in the one place she does feel comfortable. So after she gets out of bed and finishes getting dressed and ready, she might move some things back to 239/240. Not everything, but some. She'll explain to John later.

Because there are a lot of psychotic people in the dorms, and people in their rooms, Aeryn heads up to the roof to wait for John. Somehow she didn't think she'd hang up the phone feeling more paranoid than she did when she picked it up.

She may have to hurt Cameron the next time she sees him in the gym.

There are many reasons relationships don't happen in the Peacekeepers, and one of those reasons is that Aeryn's found it really hard to get a good night's sleep lately. She did manage to fall asleep for a while, only to wake up sometime around 3 a.m., unable to do more than close her eyes and lay there.

When her night vision kicks in, she's vaguely aware of the little white figures on top of her dresser. When she realizes what they are a second later, she becomes acutely aware of them. One is turned in her direction, and since she knows the sewed-on expression on its little stuffed polar bear face, it kind of seems like it might be frowning at her.

Which is stupid. First, it's a stuffed animal. It can't frown. It has no facial muscles. It isn't even sentient. Second, even if it could frown at her, it isn't like she's done anything wrong. They didn't break up. And even if they had, she's not sure she could be faulted for that decision. The damn thing would have no reason to frown. The inanimate object can not be disappointed in her.

Within a few minutes, Aeryn's quietly getting out of bed in order to open the dresser- and stops. Putting away the polar bears John gave her feels final. It feels like the next step to the option she didn't choose. She closes the drawer again- the drawer on the dresser that he also got for her- and instead turns all three polar bears around so their backs are to her. Which is silly, but it's late, and she hasn't really been eating or sleeping, and she's just a big ball of emo right now and sometimes you just have to give in to the silly impulses if it helps.

She crawls back into bed, decidedly not looking towards the dresser, and fails to get back to sleep for a while.