The Prowler has good environmentals, so Aeryn's not worried about being outside. In fact, it gives her more reason to stay right where she is.

She really doesn't want to talk about what's bothering her. It's not anything anyone can fix. She's seen the outside world. It's hard to try to act and talk and look like them. She knows she's not like them. She's spent almost her entire life in the Peacekeepers, and then the last two years in Fandom, and she knows neither place is normal by Earth standards. Then add in the fact that she has no idea what she's qualified to do for a job, and if she ever gets sick or injured she's going to have to deal with it because doctors here seem clueless, never mind that they can't find out she's not human... And she really doesn't want to be forced to leave her ship here.

And it's hard to tell this to someone who's made several offers to leave so she would be more comfortable because she fully expects to have to turn down the offer again while he knows she's not having an easy time of it. Much easier to shut up and deal with it and work it all out. Too bad he can't frelling cooperate.

When it's cooled down some more, she finally pops the canopy and hops out of the Prowler to head back. Hopefully by now John's asleep and they can postpone the next argument till tomorrow.

[Establishy. Unless you're really intent on catching her going back to the dorms.]
can_be_more: (brave like soldier!aeryn)
Aeryn knows the gym's not happening today, but she still wakes up out of habit. John's still asleep and she doesn't want to just lay there until he does, so she gets up with the intention of making coffee. Really, it's just something to do.
Aeryn would like the emo to go away now. John's not around at the moment, so she doesn't have a reason to do much but just sit there. She's looking towards the TV, but it's not on and she doesn't really even notice it's there.

The problem with coming from Aeryn's type of background is that she's not really trained to deal with emotions, so when there's that many happening, she's got no idea what to do with it all. Especially when she can't turn off her brain and compartmentalize everything.

Which is why she's just kind of sulking. Not that she'll ever use that word out loud.

[Open! Cheering up or fellow mopers welcome.]
Aeryn's pretty sure Anakin's not going to kill John scene's still being played but she's not leaving till that statement is true dammit, but she's kind of nervous to leave the room anyway. To say it's been a bad week is to underestimate what 'bad' means, at least in Aeryn's head. And at the same time it's just so uncomfortable that she really does wish she still had 209.

Right now she's just sitting on the sofa, not really looking at anything, just thinking. Which sucks.

[For John plz.]
Aeryn gets back from her run, closing the door behind her. One one hand, it's really nice not to have to tote the egg baby around with her for things like that. On the other hand, she's wondering how D'Anna's treating Egg and almost kind of looking forward to getting him back. Well, she would be if it really occurred to her that she was. But she is.
Despite yesterday, Aeryn's still playing a little avoidant without really knowing why. She's still sticking to 209, keeping to long walks or just not dealing with people. She's not used to having to explain why she does things, but knows certain people (John) have come to expect answers. This kind of thing? Much easier in the Peacekeepers. All she had to do was go off by herself and everything was fine and she didn't have to explain anything.

Also, emo is stupid and she wants no part of it, and yet here she is and she has no idea why. It's frustrating. And she's starting to memorize the star charts on her wall.

[If you can get her out of this mood, feel free to come by before I kill her.]
Aeryn didn't feel like hitting things, but she made it as far as the lobby before noticing that yes, it is still raining pudding and that's too disgusting for her to deal with. Instead, she heads back up to her room to change before she heads over to 238.

[As always, door's closed but knockable.]
In the last few days, Aeryn's fought with one friend, maybe past the point of being fixable, been attacked by another, figured out another had a crush on her, and then decided another probably isn't going to want much to do with her unless she fixes the first thing, which she isn't sure she wants to do.

Long after Molly leaves 209, Aeryn heads down the hall, opening the door with her key. Careful not to wake John, she closes the door and crosses the room to crawl into bed next to him. Not that she can manage to do anything right there, either, this week. Whatever, she's not leaving.

It really was a lot less complicated back when all her friends did was help her get sentenced to death.
Aeryn had gone to the gym last night just to uncoil a bit. That hadn't exactly happened.

She didn't sleep well, either, which is today's excuse for being up early, still clearing her throat as she lays in bed and being very glad that there's no bruising for John to panic over.

She thought Rory canceled this week, dammit.
It's hard to imagine that there was a time Aeryn wouldn't have been upset, but she kind of is. To anyone who doesn't know her, she's just sitting on her bed and looking at the posters on the wall.

She'll check on Callisto tomorrow, probably. Give her some time.
Aeryn's not dealing with some things right now. Instead she's knocking on the door to 238 early. And she may be pushing down enough emo-turned-irritation that she's pointedly not using the key. But she's not dealing with the emo-turned-irritation at the moment.
It probably shouldn't come as a surprise to Aeryn that as soon as things seem to be okay with John, things get weird between them again. But it does. Maybe if she hadn't just gotten her key back it wouldn't matter as much.

She's had the distraction of talking with Molly, at least, trying to figure out exactly what is going on with Cameron. Or whoever's posing as him, anyway. Because he would never pass over a book on planes in favor of history.

There's nothing she can do about that until tomorrow, and so Aeryn is realizing that she hasn't spent a lot of time without John lately, which is probably her getting caught up in things again. And yes, finding out the other her that she's been comparing herself to since fall died is bound to bring up issues when you were supposed to have been executed months ago.

Aeryn makes a good attempt at ignoring it, and a bad attempt at a good night's sleep.
After Tactics of War the other day and now Advanced Criminal Justice, Aeryn's wondering if maybe she shouldn't have just forgotten about school and stayed in town. Seems to be safer for her sanity that way.

She's turned the desk chair around so she can put her feet up on the end of the bed and pretend to do homework when she's really looking out the window and frelling figuring out how to deal with this one. Especially since there's nothing really to be done about this little issue.

[Okay to say John was here, but conversation itself if NFB.]
can_be_more: (talyn!aeryn)
After a trip into town and then some time spent shooting things because she can, Aeryn decides she might as well do some other things she's been putting off, and checks to see if her E-mail access had been restored. Not that she likes E-mail anyway, or figured anyone would be sending her anything.

Half and hour and about forty spam messages later (and don't think that has improved her opinion of the human race at all), she's back in 209, wondering if she should even attempt this party thing. On one hand, she's glad Angel is all right and she wouldn't expect any conversation there to be about her. These are both good things. On the other hand... The words "too much too soon" spring to mind.

She'll worry about it later. For now she's taking a break from the makeup work to finish the other book Anders gave her before she left. And sometimes taking a break from that to wonder if the sea monkeys have been fed this week.

[Which is totally code for I haven't played in a whole DAY and my girl is still being antisocial. Door's closed but I welcome knocks. *nodding*]
can_be_more: (brave like soldier!aeryn)
Aeryn wakes up early. Really early. She doesn't move at first, though, laying there for a while with her arm draped around John and wondering if she really did use him as a teddy bear while she slept.

Finally she decides she has too much to do today to waste time, so she gets out of bed, gets dressed and ready, and puts up coffee even though she doesn't need it. The flowers are still on the counter from last night, but she has to not think about them right now. The note's there, too, and for a minute she thinks about throwing it away, but can't bring herself to do it.

She knew this was coming. So did he. She just still doesn't want to have to have this conversation.

[Locked to John and Aeryn liek woah.]
Aeryn didn't get a lot of sleep last night. And she may be overreacting. A lot.

All right, maybe she didn't really have a lot of room to tell Angel what to do, but still. Callisto was even more out of line than she was. Also, there's that whole bit about touching on a huge subject Aeryn had already been dealing with. A couple of them, actually. Thanks, Callisto.

Basic fact of the matter is, Aeryn doesn't live here. Despite what people may think, she doesn't, though not that she appreciates being made to feel uncomfortable in the one place she does feel comfortable. So after she gets out of bed and finishes getting dressed and ready, she might move some things back to 239/240. Not everything, but some. She'll explain to John later.
It's day what, four? five? or sleeping in her own bed that she's kind of coming to resent, and Aeryn's getting crabby about it.

It's also day four or five of that stupid pact, which she doesn't know how she ended up in and doesn't know why they're keeping it up except that it's the principle of the thing, and Cally's graffiti on the door of 238 really is the opposite of what they're striving for. The objective is to make people stop talking. Apparently. Aeryn's not happy about this, either.

She's definitely bruised from sparring with Cameron yesterday, and she feels slightly guilty about how bad they got, but there's nothing she can do about that now. And the stupid fluffy bed she's been sleeping in has somehow made her muscles stiffen more. That's just going to make Aeryn's mood worse throughout the day.

And she's going to have to hit John and Lee for the radio. Just because. She does not have arms the size of Callisto's thighs. And she doesn't want to know what the butter's for.

Then there's the matter of Camilla, who apparently left. Yes, she'd knitted on Aeryn's bed, but she'd knitted her a scarf and was really very accommodating. In the face of the toaster who calls her flat-chested and the DRD that shocks her for no reason, the Muppet chicken hadn't been so bad. And come on, the meta. This has the potential to make Aeryn a little sad. She doesn't know what's up with the weird blue thing.

Aeryn kind of hates everything today.

She winces her way off the damn mattress and starts getting ready for classes.
Because there are a lot of psychotic people in the dorms, and people in their rooms, Aeryn heads up to the roof to wait for John. Somehow she didn't think she'd hang up the phone feeling more paranoid than she did when she picked it up.

She may have to hurt Cameron the next time she sees him in the gym.
Yesterday Aeryn had thought about feeding the sea monkeys, but the conversation hadn't really left an opening for that. But she wasn't about to let her pets suffer because she was having problems, so Aeryn made a phone call, then waited a minute. Because this was fine and there was no reason to feel uncomfortable. She was just feeding the sea monkeys, and there hadn't been a breakup. Simple.

After another minute, Aeryn went next door, stopping in the doorway. "Hi."
There are many reasons relationships don't happen in the Peacekeepers, and one of those reasons is that Aeryn's found it really hard to get a good night's sleep lately. She did manage to fall asleep for a while, only to wake up sometime around 3 a.m., unable to do more than close her eyes and lay there.

When her night vision kicks in, she's vaguely aware of the little white figures on top of her dresser. When she realizes what they are a second later, she becomes acutely aware of them. One is turned in her direction, and since she knows the sewed-on expression on its little stuffed polar bear face, it kind of seems like it might be frowning at her.

Which is stupid. First, it's a stuffed animal. It can't frown. It has no facial muscles. It isn't even sentient. Second, even if it could frown at her, it isn't like she's done anything wrong. They didn't break up. And even if they had, she's not sure she could be faulted for that decision. The damn thing would have no reason to frown. The inanimate object can not be disappointed in her.

Within a few minutes, Aeryn's quietly getting out of bed in order to open the dresser- and stops. Putting away the polar bears John gave her feels final. It feels like the next step to the option she didn't choose. She closes the drawer again- the drawer on the dresser that he also got for her- and instead turns all three polar bears around so their backs are to her. Which is silly, but it's late, and she hasn't really been eating or sleeping, and she's just a big ball of emo right now and sometimes you just have to give in to the silly impulses if it helps.

She crawls back into bed, decidedly not looking towards the dresser, and fails to get back to sleep for a while.


Aeryn Sun

September 2010



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