Room 238, Thursday early afternoon

[can_be_more]

Aeryn's learned one really important lesson in the last year or so, namely that there is a big difference between random emo and dealing with the fallout of being under a lot of stress. And despite yesterday's talk, she's okay with taking some extra time to do her usual run around the preserve a second time. She'd had a lot of energy she just needed to burn off.

So she's in a better mood when she comes back to the room, though she's not sure how long that will last, if today's anything like yesterday.


[For John.]

Comments

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He pauses for a long moment. "You think I could do that to you?"

[can_be_more]

She sighs a little. "When we're together, when we talk, no. And then the subject comes up and I can't help but wonder," she admits.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I haven't left you before," he says.

[can_be_more]

Aeryn looks away and blinks hard and asks, "I'm going to be hearing that forever, aren't I?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You think I could so easily leave you," he says, "and you don't think I have the same thoughts?"

[can_be_more]

"I came back," she reminds him. "After a year I don't know what to say to that anymore."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I know you came back," he says, rubbing his head. "I know. Ask me something."

[can_be_more]

She can start with the obvious. "Why do you think a year later that I would just walk away? If I could or would, we wouldn't have been together after those first few weekns."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Because I know where you came from and I know you miss it," he says. "You think I could walk away if I got bored."

[can_be_more]

"I can't go back to where I came from. No matter what you think my feelings are on the subject, note that I'm not stupid or suicidal," Aeryn says. "The only time you would see me going back there on my own is if it wasn't my choice and there's only so much I can do about that."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Fine," he says, taking that. "I know you can't go back there. I know that."

[can_be_more]

"And I don't want to," she says. "If I did, I wouldn't keep saying no every time you offer to go along."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I believe you," he said. "Why don't you believe me when I say I won't leave you?"

[can_be_more]

She starts to speak several times, stopping before words escape, before finally saying, "I've gotten used to loss."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"So used to it that my words mean nothing to you?"

[can_be_more]

"They don't mean nothing," she says. "But maybe. I don't know. Things that happen... affect other things."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I see," he says very quietly.

[can_be_more]

"You see what?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He looks like he's about ready to scream or cry. "I tell you I love you and that doesn't help?"

[can_be_more]

"That's not what I'm saying," she says quicky, and takes a breath. "A year after I left because I had to, you still think I'm going to leave ofmy own volition. It's the same sort of thing."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"And you think I'm going to leave because I'm bored," he says. "Before you left, you were marrying me off to other people."

[can_be_more]

"I was trying to tell you not to dwell on things," she snaps. "I explained that."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Do you still think I could do that? Get bored with you and find someone else?"

[can_be_more]

"No," she says since she seems to only be wasting breath with other words.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"My family is messed up," he says quietly. "My mother is dead, my father isn't a very good father. I really only have you and I only want you. I want you to meet my family but I want the time to be right."