Room 238, Thursday early afternoon

[can_be_more]

Aeryn's learned one really important lesson in the last year or so, namely that there is a big difference between random emo and dealing with the fallout of being under a lot of stress. And despite yesterday's talk, she's okay with taking some extra time to do her usual run around the preserve a second time. She'd had a lot of energy she just needed to burn off.

So she's in a better mood when she comes back to the room, though she's not sure how long that will last, if today's anything like yesterday.


[For John.]

Comments

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Yes," he says quietly. "I can't feeling in the dark about some things. I know you can't talk about it, that's fine, but I still feel clueless."

[can_be_more]

"You can ask," Aeryn tells him. "I can't guarantee that I can answer, but I can maybe answer some questions."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Why were you hesitating with me when you first got back after the thing with your mom?"

[can_be_more]

She actually has to think back to what she was like. "Trauma, maybe?" she says, shaking her head. Maybe hearing her story and knowing what happened freaked me out. I don't know."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You scared me," he says. "I didn't know what was wrong."

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"I don't think I did, either, actually," she says, making a face.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You got mad when I tried to help."

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"I was angry at a lot of things, I think," she admits. "It was difficult to deal with at the time."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He nods. "Understandable. Why Vader?"

[can_be_more]

She wants to be very sure how to answer this, so she asks, "Why Vader what?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You're almost...fascinated by him," he says, not knowing another word. "You talk about him a lot and there's something there."

[can_be_more]

She has to think about the answer for a moment. "At first it was because he would ask things in class, and I didn't always disagree with him. Still don't," she admits. That part is easy. The rest takes work. "I, um. I recently found out some things that lead me to believe that the situation where Luke comes from can be changed. It takes more focus than I'm used to giving."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He guesses the things are what she can't tell him.

"Don't focus too much on him. He's not worth it."

[can_be_more]

"He might be," she says quietly. "At the very least, there's quite a bit riding on the effort."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"No," John says firmly. "If you say it's important, then fine. But I don't think he's anything but some menacing freak in a mask."

[can_be_more]

"And that's quite possibly true," she says. "But even menacing freaks can be reasoned with. Trust me, I used to work for them."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He quiets and crosses his arms over his chest, looking thoughtful.

[can_be_more]

"What are you thinking?" she asks. Probably a dangerous question today.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He's still stuck on some of the first things she'd said but he doesn't bring those back up.

"I want you to understand how hard it is to not know things that are happening with the single most important person in your life," he says. "I know you can't tell me. That's okay but you have to know that it's hard. I just want you to know that it's hard."

[can_be_more]

"I know," she says, frowning. "And I truly am sorry. I wouldn't even attempt keeping this from you if I didn't think it was necessary."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He nods and accepts that. "Okay. I believe that and I believe you. But, I have to ask you to promise me one thing."

[can_be_more]

That's worrisome. "All right."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"If this thing that you can't tell me puts you in danger, then you tell me."

[can_be_more]

She nods. "I can promise that," she says. "And I'm being honest when I say I don't think it will come to that." Might be putting a little too much faith into history, there.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Okay," he says in obvious relief. "I hope it doesn't but I don't want you to face something dangerous alone if it does."