Room 238, Thursday early afternoon

[can_be_more]

Aeryn's learned one really important lesson in the last year or so, namely that there is a big difference between random emo and dealing with the fallout of being under a lot of stress. And despite yesterday's talk, she's okay with taking some extra time to do her usual run around the preserve a second time. She'd had a lot of energy she just needed to burn off.

So she's in a better mood when she comes back to the room, though she's not sure how long that will last, if today's anything like yesterday.


[For John.]

Comments

[can_be_more]

"You talk about marriage and children and then talk about how you're going to visit the family you have and you never do it. I still haven't even met them. How am I supposed to interpret that?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You interpret that that I like being with you more than I like being with them," he snaps. "You intrepret that in the way that I'm driving to be out of my damn father's shadow."

[can_be_more]

"If you don't want to be around them, why even bothering to convince your father to like me?" she wonders. "The way it seems to me is that I'm never going to meet him again so there's no reason to worry about it." She pauses and says, "Unless you think I'm going to ruin what you have done to fix it."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

The last bit stuns him almost into silence. "You really don't know me."

[can_be_more]

"That's what it looks like from here, John," Aeryn says quietly. "I'm completely on the outside of a situation I know nothing about and you don't talk about it and you make such a big deal about me going with you- twice now- and it's never happened and I can't understand any of it."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Things have happened," he says tightly. "Things are not good right now and I've told you this. I don't want to bring you into that and I've told you this."

[can_be_more]

"I know it's difficult, for you're entire family, but you shut me almost completely out of it and I'm supposed to be okay with that after all this," Aeryn points out. "And yet you want to know about my family, like that's such an easy subject."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You've shut me out before too," he says. "Don't act like what I did was new. Don't."

[can_be_more]

"Fine," she says, nodding. "You don't want to be shut out, keep asking me questions, then. Since this is going so well. Maybe I'll ask some back."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Fine," he snaps. "How in the hell could you think I'd end up ignoring? Do you know what that does to me?"

[can_be_more]

"You can talk about creating a family within a day of saying you don't want to see the one you have," she replies. "What would you think if I could say that?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Not that you were going to ignore me in the future," he says. "I'm not a that kind of person. And you obviously think I am."

[can_be_more]

It takes her a moment before she's able to say, "Think of what kind of person I am. Where I come from. If you can think thoughts like that don't enter my mind, then you don't know me."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

He pauses for a long moment. "You think I could do that to you?"

[can_be_more]

She sighs a little. "When we're together, when we talk, no. And then the subject comes up and I can't help but wonder," she admits.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I haven't left you before," he says.

[can_be_more]

Aeryn looks away and blinks hard and asks, "I'm going to be hearing that forever, aren't I?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"You think I could so easily leave you," he says, "and you don't think I have the same thoughts?"

[can_be_more]

"I came back," she reminds him. "After a year I don't know what to say to that anymore."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"I know you came back," he says, rubbing his head. "I know. Ask me something."

[can_be_more]

She can start with the obvious. "Why do you think a year later that I would just walk away? If I could or would, we wouldn't have been together after those first few weekns."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Because I know where you came from and I know you miss it," he says. "You think I could walk away if I got bored."

[can_be_more]

"I can't go back to where I came from. No matter what you think my feelings are on the subject, note that I'm not stupid or suicidal," Aeryn says. "The only time you would see me going back there on my own is if it wasn't my choice and there's only so much I can do about that."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

"Fine," he says, taking that. "I know you can't go back there. I know that."

[can_be_more]

"And I don't want to," she says. "If I did, I wouldn't keep saying no every time you offer to go along."